human relations no more and I hate other people...

Well human relations is no more, it's gone I hit it Wicked Harrrrrrrrrd out of the ballpark. I just couldn't take it anymore. To me the clas sucked from the beginning, talk talk talk for three hours, who can take that? The other reason I dropped was because I didn't want to be in a group, but when I actually tried to be in a group, people didn't want me in their group, the white girl was irate!!! and the white guy said, "since when" When I said I was in the group. the way he said it was not in the favor of me. I found it to be offensive, I felt like I was discriminated against, me being the only black male in the class I had to hold my own. I think some of those groups thought that i wouldna been a positive asset to their group, which I'm probably smarter than most of those people, they hate to see smart black male anyway like myself. but now I'm cool I have the rest of the week off to get ready for my speech on tuesday which should be great, looking at Valarie Blanchard oooh she's hott, she looks like a model, that hair, man i stick my tongue in her (lol). I'm getting a little hott thinking about it. She smiles a great smile when i give my speeches and that's cool, that's extra motivation for me to give the speech. Like today was a killer,I gave my best speech. I'm glad this blog thing is here, it's the only thing I can talk to when I'm happy, depressed or just want to write about soemthing. Today I went back to the writing center for extra help from Ms. What's her name. Half of the reason was to get more info about the speech but the otehr half was pretty obvious to get a little closer to Ms. What's her name. She's cool, very easy to talk to, I don't think i'd stuttered one time. After talking to becca in teh hallway, she didn't even look at me the rest of the day I looked at her with my good eye about 4 times but she was turned the other way. Well no more Human Relations, for a good reason, I hate being ridiculed and criticized and I just plain dislike other people especially black girls and white dudes who think their better than everybody, but not all of then but some. Love the White girls though, gotta love them. their enthuiasm just the whole joy they bring oh and Asian girls most definitely most definitely. Becca Becca Becca, oh wait she's Korean...........

Today I give my best speech and chuck gets a little flirty...and other news I can cram in...

Today I gave my speech with flawless effort, It's definetly the most comfortable I've been in a long time. I came up with the intro in less than 2 minutes and it was the intro of the day by far. Today I really shined and I have god and the people above to thank me for that, they know who they are. Becca gave her speech today as well and I was immediately hooked on her speech I thought it was going to be about the club, well that's what it sounded like but it was about going to the GYM. It was still a great speech which I told her it was face to face on the way to the bathroom. It went something like "that was a great speech" I said, with a smile. She said "Thank You" and somethign else afterward that I couldn't make out. To me I think that was flirting, since I added the enthuiastic smile. Well Yeah................ Good speech. Now on Tuesday how am I suppose to overdue that maybe with a short converstaion, that made include some more flirty thigamajigs. Like uhhhhh "you're a triple major wow you must be really smart or you must really like to read a lot of stuff" "I've never met anybody as dedicated as you" Well I g2g, people our crowding around me.

speeches and anything else I can think of.....

Just got out of communications class and, yeah that class still sucks, i just wish I hadn't signed up for classes this spring, but then I realized where am I going to where my new clothes to, around the house? Since I don't have a job, nor a girlfriend to tell me how hott I look in my Vince Carter's, man these shoes are comfortable, for now o I'm strictly buying Nike Shox. I know they run about $100.00 a pop, but their worth it, comfortable and they look good on your feet. In speaking of feet the asian girl (becca) was wearing flip flops today, I took a glimpse of her feet which our relatively small, I'd say about a size 4, they we're the cutest little toes I'd ever seen. Today I was all dressed up for two reasons, to impress Becca and for my presentation, but it turns out that I didn't have to go today, I was pretty prepared so i thought, but no I wasn't, I observed about 15 other peoples speeches today and took little notes on what I'm going to input in my speech. Out of all the speeches today none deserved any higher than an B, except for Candace whose favorite movie was the GOAT (greatest of all time). her breakdown of the movie was fantastic. A lot of people just picked a bunch of corny ass movies the King and I, give me a fucking break, How stella got her groove back, they both sucked. Starting on Thursday I'm going to write down everybody's name down and think of a person they look like, I use to do in every other class and it was quite difficult because I usually sat in the back and their faces we're toward the other way. Now since their face is going to be in front of me, it's going to be more than easy. I can't wait, I know it's a dumb thing to get excited about, but it's what drives me. G2G.

What we did Communciation class, wrong and wierd assumptions and what the hell am I going to do with myself.....

Just got out of Communication class couple of minutes ago, this time an hour early, last week it was an hour& 30 minutes. Probably becuase today we talked and talked and talked and I was too busy looking out the window, and the teacher took notice.......I got put on the spot several times and it wasn't pretty, but I still maintain my focus outside even though a million and one conversations we're going on around me and I wasn't involved in any of them, except for the one earlier which was an assignment, We had to interview one of our classmated and you know me I was mortified, but I also thought that this would be a great chance to interview the asian girl that I wrote about last week, but no dice, I wined up interviewing the girl next to me Syrita was her name and girls are her game, yeah she's a lesbian. But that's not the assumption that I assumed wrong, I'll get to that later. Back to Syrita, other than she was a lesbian I learned that her Favorite Food was macaroni and cheese, she liked Shania Twain, she even liked her so much that she named her daughter after her and she likes the L-word and she's 26 and also she's engaged to be married, and her favorite hangout is club traingle. All these qualities are good ii guess, but she's not very attractive, I know that's a mean thing to say, but she isn't her lips are all crusty her face isn't up to par and she's just well eh. I she had a pretty face I would be humping her leg already. The interview was okay but to read it in front of the entire class was a nightmare, even though I tought I did extremely well, I didn't slip up on a word or anything, but just to see all those eyes on me made my skin crawl. Then she read about me and I was as equally as nervous too, I think she read every detail I gave her from my favorite show being the L-word from me giving everybody wings. I was really eager to see what the asian girl was like(Becca, I found out her name was through her interviewer). And she was fairly impressive she's a triple major, yeah you heard right a TRIPLE MAJOR! She's 23 yrs old, she lives in Fenton, teaches at an elementary school. I found hers to be the most astounding one, she has it all the brains, the looks, the cash(she lives in fenton)! The only thing I didn't like was that she 's spoken for, soem asshole name Kung Pao. I wasn't angry, just a little sad that I didn't get to interview her and learn a little more about her, I woulda asked tons of more questions, yeah I was taht interested, but my 2 lazyeyes would have been a distraction as they always are, but she's crosseyed so................... She would have probably would have been just as cosmetically conscious as I was, which would have equaled each other out. Ya see no pressure, I know where she is rigt now she's in the Curtice Mott building reading at the same spot she was last tuesday, maybe I can go ask her a question about the assigment coming up. which will take more courage than I actually have right now, but I know I have to grow some balls sooner or later. My new motto is this though W.W.E.D (What Would Ellen Do). Since she's one of my idols, i gotta figure out what would she do in my situation, i've seen the women Ellen has picked up and they have been some hotties, but how does she do it, does she use her sense of humor or her charm? Look at her current mistress Potia De Rossi and she's breathtaking a definite 8.5 on a scale of 1 to ten. But Conifdence has a lot to do wth it, it's something that I lack when it comes to certain things and it's the eyes to, I can't leave that out, that's the huge x-factor, that is holdign me back from building friendships and relationships with girls. it's a social killer and it has stouted my social development. Because I'm a friendly person that's likes other people and like to listen to what they have to say, but in class I sit way in the back and look out the window, with all these conversations going on, without saying a peep. I know other people's perception of me is that they think that I'm too good for them, but that's not the case, it really isn't. My next eye appointment isn't until 2 months from tommorrow and I gotta give Doc the Details and he better do something about this quick and yeah quick.

communciation class, Predcited the unthinkable

Just got out of Communication class 1 whole hour and 30 minutes early, now I'm here just a sitting an typing away, i just bought an English book that I plan on taking back in like 30 minutes. My excuse bought the wrong book and lost the reciept. Communcations was a bore an i found myself in the corner of the class not communicating but continously looking in the ground or out the window. That class seems pretty easy, because no papers but, I'd rather do a paper than to due a speech. Yesterday I was walking to the store and my little brother made a compliment about my eyes and how bad and screwed up they are and I told him maybe I'll find a girl that was crosseyed and will fall into carzy mad love. And peep this their is a girl in my communcations that is crosseyed and asian, but she kinds of favors my cat Tony. But she still is relatively cute. i know it seems like I'm jumping the gun but this is still kind of crazy and ironic. So now what do I do I got 2 hours and 30 minutes of nothing to do whatsoever, but in 30 minutes this book is history no more English. No more English. Hopefully I'll have enough to buy Nascar and my mom a Mothers day gift in which I'll by from Mott, because I do owe them that much. So yeah their you have it. Next class is Human Relations, nervous nervous nervous I hope that class gets out early as well. I predicted right in Communications class theirs 16 girls out of 22 students, then their's the Asian eh... but she's cute though hopefully I get a chance to talk to her maybe during break tuesday or Thursday, One of her eyes will be staring down Lapeer Road and one of mine will be staring down Court street. So yeah that's that I guess. Now on a lower note, a couple of week ago I wrote a post on how I was beginning to feel a little distance between my family and I and I do even more now feel at a distance. I don't know what it is but times a changing and I really don't want to be there anymore, I know that's a little harsh to say but it's true. Being away from home is the most fufilling thing in the world, only if it was farther away will the fufilling be at a overwhelming high. I don't know why I feel this way, I guess i'm ready to move on with my life, and be different than my sister's have been, depending on them at such an age. Hopefully I'll keep my grades up and get into university of Eastern Michigan or Central Michigan or Michigan State, either one doesn't matter as long as I'm happy. That's all that matters. I just want to get away from all the negativity an dthe baggage that comes with it, it's sad but true. Even now that I'm out of highschool which was a nightmare, I don't see any change in my perception of things, and maybe it's time for a environemtal change, because I've been stuck in the same basement for 4 years, with the same gray walls. I think it's time to see the sunshine. ~Chuck~

The search is on for my first girlfriend and a post everyday to keep track.............of my progression and degression.. yeah and yeah times 2 or 3

I've decided to go through with this extensive search to find the girl of my dreams... I've been putting off dating for I guess you can say 5 years, becuse most people strat dating when their 15 and since I'm 20, so yeah do the math........ The only thing thatwas holding me back was the same thing that is still there, my lazyeye which is getting worse, and I gotta see how people react to it, I've seen some reactions in the past and they've all been negative, so............ what's a guy to do? New classes start on Thursday.I got Communications and Human Relations, and theirs gotta be tons of girls in communication class as well as Human Relations, and tons of opportunites. But how do I go about it without looking like a fool, and crazy as many people assume I am, especially because of the x-factor the lazyeye, that's going to be tough, it's kind of like a player trying to comeback from a torn ACL a year long injury in 2 months. and it's hard to look past that and I think that'll be exploited right away, so I'm more likely to fumble the football than score a touchdown. Well watch the game and see what happens.

Something that I didn't see coming, and where that leaves me, ripping the school off once more and thoughts to chuck with...........

Yesterday,I heard something that I never thought I'd hear in the same sentence, Valarie (my sister) and pregnant. I was in shock and stilll am in shock that she is, I thought that she would wait until marriage to start a family but I guess stuff happens, she's old enough (25). And I guess mature enough. So now their at a trifecta all 3 of my sisters will have kids effective around December or January. So that leaves me and my virginity, gee I feel so glad I'm waiting, til I find the right vagina,hopefullt it'll be smooth and rough on the edges(lol) probably because the opportunity hasn't presented itself. I don't know what I would do if I was in her shoes, I don't know if I'd be excited or angry, indifferent? just don't know. But i don't have to worry beacuse it's not me. and now this has happen, I wonder what's going to happen to me, Look at em I'm a loser, all my sisters have got kids and I haven't even hit 1st base, pothetic or preserved. Once December or January comes her life will change dramatically, and that'll mean no more catching the bus going to the mall or meijers, her life will be focus on the baby. Mine will be focus on......................getting myself in postion to go make babies(lol). If I do have one I know that it'll be by somebody financailly settled or parents are(lol) So a white girl might be in the cards. Hopefully I get a Royal Flush. But the side effect of that willl be me dropping out of college and putting my education/journalism degree on a serious hold, and i don't see that in my future right now. Most of my friends are either highschool dropouts, they got a girl pregnant or both, and some went to the armed services. So where does that leave me at a communtiy college, no job, no car, no girlfriend, just a bunch of videgames and a bunch of animals and I couldn't be more happy, well except for the girlfriend part, because I am officially looking and any of you chicks want a pretty boy with a lazyeye holla well i g2g holla