somebody has a crush...........if that other person finds out she'll be crushed.............

Well Salna has a crush............and it's me...............i don't know how it started but it's here and it's no hiding it..............I wanna kiss her and grab on her double D's................I think she's cute and cuddly.........her roomate/the girl that likes me wouldn't like that very much.....but I have to do what I have to do................I like her..................that's just the way it is..............i think i'm going to tell her on Monday..........................which will spread like fire..........................but I'm horny and I need love from somewhere and I wanna grab those things which are giganto in sweatshirts...................so u know................wassup so I don't know..................I think she's attractive and that's it...........she's grilfriend material................uhhhhhhhhhhhhh I think so.....................

wasn't worth the trouble; fill in the blank................. Well I don't know where I went wrong with this one Looks of a winner, Heart of a Champion still somebody else won Sh*t I don't know what to say Damn I wish I knew the person that was trying to hook me up with her was ? But it has more to do with it than tha tCould it be, because I'm ? Ha Ha Ha...................Very true You would try to deny it wouldn't youYou've done it before I guess you think I just saw you as some skank or ? Sorry for the all the animosity Just writing on what could be? But it's probably too late............. Besdies I'm taking your mom out on a date........................

not over the not so obvious............lonely.........summer of savings.........why did I puchase a cellphone in the 1st place.....horny bank woman...

Why do I feel there's something that isn't right with this situation.............I know I'm crazy for not getting over her,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but I just can't seem to get over it even though it's been twice i've got a rejection......no actually a rejection and a maybe,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,which still leaves some room for the possible.......................Why? Why do i continue to go after something that I'll probably never get my hands on............it's like you do everything you can............complete such and such obstacle courses.......but still no dice..................Yeah I'm talking about Karissa..............Well I guess you can say at this point it's love...................................It was from liking her....................liking her alot.........................liking her so so so much that you basically have to find an excuse to go up to the service desk just to see her...........I don't think I've felt this way about any girl................and I respect her choice..............by not giving me a chance........................x2..............................I look too much like a thug...............which is not even close to being to true.............i love rap................but as far as doing what they say in songs................no way........................But she said she would................if she could.............and I totally believe her......................her parents would not approve of me at all................i'm tall............hairy.........................and.....................BLACK!!!! She's Christian, She's White.......and ohhhhhhhhhh did I mention she's WHITE!!!!!! So that leaves me in a lose, lose, lose situation...................But the mixed siganls she gives off.............our pretty much still keeping teh window of opportunity open................the way she looks at me and the way she does things jusy gives me the sense that there's something is there.............If she just say the word..........................I'll be all over her...............just like she knows...................and she uses that as some sort of confdence builder......from her already ever growing big head....................................due to my pursuit of her and other guys in the store pursuit of her,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,especially mine..........she uses that as extra confidence booster............she knows she could say the word................and I'll basically her hand puppet...............rather we're doing stuff or not............................she's probably says to herself...............well I could have this nigga eating out of my hands.................and she could.................If i had her I would be happier than I am now.............................which is not very happy.......................I've been down this road before..........................and I get this way when I'm broke, lonely, or both.................Like right now I'm both....................$1,000 or her......................hmmmmmmmmmmmm I would pick her.................I (corny love moment.........................brought to you by Wal-Mart.............) just want to kiss her and tell her how I really feel................I'm not the person that talks to a million girls at once.............One is good for me....................But I can't even seem to find that............the girls that like me..................I really don't like back...........and going out with them will only be a waist of me and her time...................The ones I do like seem to be to reluctant to talk to me.......................Karissa...................anyone? Friendship?

I haven't had a real friendship with a normal person outside of school since.................I guess I could say middle school........................Yeah long time...............that's probably part of the reason for my unhappiness.............I've turned to my sisters and brothers to fill that friendship void that I definitely need........................but after my sophomore year in highschool......i just stop trusting people.............................and was reluctant to make friends.................because the whole world is two-faced.....................that why I turned to my animals for social support..........my $600 investment my Boxer "JACK" who I love to death.................right now I wouldn't give him up for $3,000. I mean I say I would but I be b*llshitting.....................I like dogs and kids more than I like people my own age..................the only thing they do is talk about each other.........so tehy can look good in front of the person there trying to impress and it's like a web.....................that person is probably talking about that person to try to impress that person...............so..........................................................................So I ask myself............why did ....................why did I .............buy a cellphone in the 1st place..............if only dogs and children could hold intellectual conversations......................Well this is the summer of savings...............The money that I spend will be slim to none..........................and my bank card will be obselete......................building up somethign that looked so lovely in month's past......but by next month it's back hopefully...........................unless Karissa takes me upon my offer and will go anywhere she pleases....................I don't know why I like her so much..............or what I really see in her.................in school................she would just be a regular uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh geekif u will or on the drama club........................I guess I see the whole package in her...............brains as well as her beauty.......................which is there...........and I've taken notice for the last three months.......................Before I sign off............there's somehting that I talk about.............all my post end on a positve note...............and this one is no exception...................................I've watched and seen the way that "Joelle" the bank woman has paid a little too much attention to me...........and everytime I look into her eyes,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it's like she saying the same thing I'm saying "I wanna f*ck." I know maybe my mind is in the gutter with this one..................but I think i'm right.............she's a very attractive woman..........................very thick in the right areas.........her hips, thighs, and gluteous.................maximus............it looks like she's ready for a withdrawal........but where though...............I wonder....................I'm getting a little excited thinkng about it..............................I bang!!! in a heartbeat..................I have better conversations with people way older than myself than people my own age.................I think that has a lot to do with me being a step ahead of my maturity level................depsite my almost 99% childish behavior.........i could shape up and act like a mature person........................................oh who the f*ck am I kidding..........................................

new dog, new computer, new wade jersey, new shoes, yeah broke as a joke, sister playing love connection (irish iris)

Where do i begin this blog almost at a grand..................actually only 5 days away.............but with
a couple of questionable purchases....................my bank accountis now obselete.................well at least for the time being......................I should be at a $1,000 by july 27th...........................................upset? yes..................but not that much......................I have a new best friend....................well sort of....................the thinking about taking him away and depositing 200 to $300 dollars. But that's not the case after about three or four different changes of the mind................I've decided to keep him.............................money is only things you exchange ofr goods and services (economic term). After these next two checks on the 15th and 29th...........I can start working on my bank account................................Because those two checks are pretty much Jack's checks...........................kennel, ears and tail doct, declawing...........so he's put me in a huge hole!!! I'll at least be at a grand by................................................................teh first week of September.............................. which I think is the 6th or the 7th......................which isn' t tooo bad...................................No more big spending til.................................at least til august for school shopping...................which shouldn't be that much.........................since I already have a nice pair of black shoes..................that I won't touch til the next school year............................3 pairs of jeans.........................2 pairs of dickies or dockers, beige and black....................white shoes................I shall be fine.............................I get five checks between the months of July and September 13th....................I'll basically have to save...........A whopping $200.00 from each check.................. wow!!!! Now I'm concentrating o $2000.00 by December...................which should be pretty easy......................unless something huge!!!! comes up ................I may have it by Thanksgiving............................ so I'm in pretty good water.....................July to November is alost 8 to 9 checks...................plus my financial aid money......................................well yeah it's cool.........................but if I decide to find in a new home.................................................I'll be at 777.77 Thursday.............................................easy.....................................................plus........................I can keep one of them and I'm really leaning towards keeping one of those...................and that'll mean the boxer has two go.............................If I had it my way...........................i'll have both dogs...........................and my money in the bank.....................but there is no.............................................................possibilty of that happening............................................so..............I don't know.....................I want to see jack grow and you know..............become a monster before my very own eye and lazyeye.....................but anything taht toby and chyna had any involvement making......................it has to be a loose goose............and it's free.....................................well g2g. Cont'd blog: Jack is still up in the air rather I'm going to hang on to him or not............................I want to.........but in a way I don't want to..............but I think it's really too late..........the attachment is there.......but he's bad............he bites..............he's a fighting dog.................................and I may not want to keep him..............If I'm going away.....................hopefully I am......................he probably won't remember me.....................and may try to attack.................If i do decide to sell................I'll have a really nice nice bank account almost 800.00 on Thursday..........................Next check it should be at that grand..............I was telling the world about.................If i let go Kaylop................and Tuxedo who I had for 9 years, and 8 months repsectively.....................this shouldn't be as hard.

Matchmaker: Well I have a huge dilemma today...................and I might just pull the trigger on this one too.................despite in might come at somebody's expense..................yeah a person I see every single day...................but how else do I go about this....................this is pretty hard stuff...........what do I say....................oh my isster says you're not seeing anyone and..................................how about we exchange phone numbers........................wow!!!! Doesn't seem hard............but how do I approach it? And when? And where would this put me in the Karissa sweepstakes...........................in which I'm definitely trying to win! And that's no secret............I'm crazy about that girl.........................She knows it.................So.........................I don't know.........this could develop into something huge...................................................

the worst college student ever? still passing classes?Career moves( Lindsey Monroe).....Wal-Mart (minimum wage people's heaven).....................

Just left out of class about 45 minutes early.........................because I have a paper to write and yeah it's for that class......................yeah It's due on Monday and I'll probably put the finishing touches on it Monday! yeah that's how stupid I really am.............................procasination baby...............it should be written on my forehead..................................................I can't believe it bnut it's true I'm on the verge............ well after 1 more class in the fall..........................I would have earn my Associate's Degeree without really trying............................and with a 2.6 at least...................................Sounds crazy but true..................................PROCASINATION!!!!!!!..................................I guarantee you if I would have took Political Science this summer instead of Psychology ( a class that I do onot have to take). I would be sitting on a pretty good grade......................Take notes and read terms that sound similar to the meaning ..........................instead of all that complex bullish....................I hate Psychology..................................this will be my third time ocunt it third time f*cking up this class if I don't get it together..............and she's already threaten me about my other paper.....................I think I would have been fine if I would have took another teacher.....................(in which I thought I was getting in the 1st place.......................I could have turned that in and been on cloud nine..........................but same class same bitch same results...........................Gee why am I so stupid........................But that can't be the case I almost have an associate's degree.......................So bascially I'm half done with school w/o even using half my brain....................................Well I wouldn't say half maybe not trying very hard...............................................Look at teh Child Lit class..................I haven't read nam book.........................I started our first assignment two days before it was actually do...........................and didn't finish it to the day it was due.......................................................Yeah..........but I know once I get to CMU (hopefully) I can't Procasinate like I do now......................................That my sink me quick........................but just liek my Psychology paper I did the whole thing in three days tops!!! And still got a 88% And I knew some people were working on it for weeks and I still got a better grade...................No not becuase I'm smarter and look better than them.................oh wait that is the reason.....................Well yeah uh................that above really sums it up............................well excuse me why I work on my Paper....................but not before I go play Basketball, Watch T.v Drink some coolers and call about this Boxer for $150.00. Do that all then work on my paper which is due Monday.....................................Well g2g Procasinate...................

Write write write all I do I should really think about being a journalist whose gives love advice..................that might bring in more cash than being a teacher but I love the kids....................not my own......................................but love the kids............................So yeah it's fanatstic when you have so many options like myself..................young black(half portugese) and gifted................................It's great.........................not have that 8-5 job mena so much to you.....................like that job I got now, WAL-MART I don't give a f*ck about that job....................I can get fired today!!!And still be in pretty good shape.............................but those people that work there, if they get fired lights out! (Literally)!! Those people there our.......................................well to me most of them have pretty low self-esteem............................okay now look................................there happy about a $0.40 raise oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh an extra $32.00 on my check...........just enough to buy me some extra diapers for my three kids................................You know I know that sounds pretty harsh...............but there is no way I would have my own place working at Wal-Mart............................Wal-Mart to me is just petty money use to spend on Shoes, Hats, Lobsters, Steaks...................shit that half those people can't compensate for..............................IF they saw me writing this blog they'll probbaly beat my@$$. But u know I really don't care.....................When i went in the back to do my CBL and they said career opportunities At Wal-Mart I kind of laughed..............................R U serious?........................ Well after pushing carts for five years they finally through me in the meat department.......................$0.75 cent extra an hour................................ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh!Harsh? Yes True? absolutely............I can't see myself there at the age of 26..................You bustin your balls and the managers telling you what to do.........................that's not right nor cool......................and they making 5 times more money than you making.....................and they don't be doing nuttin...............................telling you when to go to lunch...................it's like being a slave...........................................When half them people there can do the job better than what them managers can do........................all they had to do was stick they head in some book for 5 to 6 years and they would of had it........................Masters Degree in Business Managemet..............instead they got a Masters Degree in Zoning (lol) (JOTW) (KiLLA)!!!!!!!!
That just gave me tons of motivation....................saying to myself I can't be like that....................................By no means.......................

Well as I always say..................my blogs end on a positve note...................and this one is no exception.........................
Let's take a minute and talk about Lisndey Monroe.....................I haven't seen anybody hotter than that in Public in about well since I woke up this morning......................................I bet she smells good...............................I would go sit by her to solve this hypothesis but that would be to risky.................................Plus i might just grab her and strat squeezing the snot out of her and that couyld lead to a slap or a eraly 15 minute break.............well in my case eh..............................about 3...........................including the hand washing afterwards......................I'd tell her straight up.................."How bout we make our own picture book analysis...........And our project will definitely not be over due..................it'll actually come early(lol) (JOTWx2) I wrote a poem about her early last week and it would defintiely when the Pultizier Prize for most original poem done at Mott during Children's Literature class in History....................................

as u can see I'm letting out all my thoughts on this blog of mine................because I have no one else to talk to...................Not my father, sister, brother.............a close friend..................not even my dogs................(which our gone!) But the boxer in the paper for $150.00 might be a blessing in diguise..........................Definitely something to look at............................Let me go to the Library go get a book...............come back and work on my paper for at least an hour and a half................I wish it was due Wednesday, since that is my day off from work and four days afterwards......................Gotta find something to do.....................Hopefully Lisdney...............No she's not tehtype of girl I would rush..............I would wait as long as it took (2 months) I would wine and dine her.........................pamper her............................then after at least 4 weeks show me a nipple............... or something..............She's special....................she looks like Katie Couric in a way................................her smile nakes me nervous.......................That's what I'm looking for somebody special...............somebody that I really like...................I can have Jacelyn or Rachel.................................or any other unattractive female that crawls my way....................If I don't like them the same way they like me......................What's the point?

.....................................................................................................................................distaning myself

Well today will be sad blog all over..............................................Katie left the today show it was sad............................I didn't cry but I felt myself emotioning up inside............................Yeah it was pretty bad...............but she's just going around the corner to another network.........................................so it's not that bad..................in my case I wish I had it like that but a lot more distant................................................I just don't feel comfortable anymore, where I use to call the comforts of my own home............................I feel worse when I'm there than when I'm anywhere else...................................And that's pretty bad.....................It's the people that u live with are the ones that are making me mad......................it's bad enough I get grief from others..............but I guess..............................it's all the same....................it's took the joy out of tomorrow's paycheck.................in which I was going shopping for the third time in as many paychecks.................but I don't see that now as an option............................I got a class and a teacher that repulses me.....................I got managers that I can't stand....................as well as some co-workers.............................so where does that leave me............................I thought that I could come home and be consoled and talk about my problems with anybody....................... but.................now I'm keeping all my thoughts 2 myself.....................about romantic interests and, any other problem that I'm having..................it will only make things worse....................What really gets to me is.....................why should I have to talk to and go out with somebody if I'm not physically attracted to them.........................Oh al of a sudden I'm gay becuase I won't ask Rachel out................................Ithose magic three words I'm Not attracted to HEr!!!!!!! I'm intersted in Karissa.....................................I think she's interested in me tooooooo...................If I just find that one clue that would lead to me thinking she's ready to lose the shrimp..........................which she's giving me signals that she is.........................................And I believe some of my flirtatious remarks are making her feel good.......................and so am I............................I finally got it in me..............teh mojo that wasn't there 3 to 4 years ago.......................when I was comatose at teh sight of any object of my affection.........................I really don't like rachel in that kind of way if Rachel was Karissa it would be a no brainer............................But she's not so....................................I'm not going to be forced into anything or anybody that I wanna do..................................They can say what they want.....................My standards and self-esteem is higher than that...............you just don't wanna go with anybody......................I know Rachel is a slut or a nasty girl...............she says it herself................................And why would I be intersted in that as a possible love interest.......................................So I realize now I keep everything to myself......................I'm just tired of my family.................I know that sounds so harsh.................It's like their pressuring me to I don't know fail or lose in a way...............................Mess around with Rachel get a kid and be stuck here..............................exchange my bookbag for a fucking diaper bag and a wic book..............stuck at Wal-Mart.................instead looking foward to buying nice hats on payday for $35.00 you'll be buying a bundle of diapers....................................YOU LOSE!!!! I just hope I get into CMU when I fill out my form in 2 months..........................................And hopefully the letter comes back and says congratulations you've been accepted into CMU. That would be the start of something big..........................hopefully something so big it will allow me to basically get my masters degree in education and business.................and move to a place of my destination. Yeah exchanging books for diapers isn't equilavent....................................................

tired....................hating everything and everybody...going away...............anaylyzing the girl at the desk......

Well what brings me here is another sad sad episoide in the rollercoaster, up and down life of the kid, the myth, the loser...............................that is me.......................I got a little positive today..................my test might be the best one I took yet..............thank to some really small writing and 3 by 5 notecards............................ 2- 3 by 5 notecards I may add.................that really really help me out a lot..............................It will definitely be used on future tests...............My life right now is like a drug....................................when I'm broke I'm angry............when I get more money I'm cool.........................................Because I know it's the main and only stepping stone for me to get out of here...........................that and school................And right now thedecison is a no brainer get the hell out while I can................go to a school...............as far as away u can possibly get......................................escaping the ruckus and putrid air......................that I'm around right now.........................I'm just Tired................................of a lot of things..................if I was in teh same situation Lewonn was.in Master's degree......................in accounting.................I woulda been bounced up out of here..............................the only thing that will hold me back our my little brothers and sisters..........................................I'll miss them too much................it'll kill me..................................I just love them too much...................But as far as everybody else goes ...............theres the phone, mail, and email..................................I'm just tired of the same environment, the same routine...................that's the reason why I'm taking summer classes.....................leaving me 1 class away from escaping this, this, this...................................Hole. As much as I would hate to leave my all my small brothers and sisters............the only thing that brings joy and happiness to my life.............................

I guess I can finish my blog on a positive note......................all my blogs end on a positve note....................Remember............................

Right now I'm going to analyze the girl sitting at the desk...................I know this wrong of me and she'll probably run somewhere crying if she saw this..........................

Okay here we go................She's probably 28 yrs old.....................has a pet fish instead of a dog because she has allergies................goes home reads about a book every two days.............................goes on date twice every calendar year...........................But all in all she's not that bad looking of a girl.................besides those glasses............in which are as almost a sthick as mine...............................Tried to get contacts ................but not happen........... she owns
at least 1 vibrator..................................okay maybe 2..............................probably was a major major nerd in high school.............I couldn't even imagine......................But after saying all that she's not that bad looking of a girl........................I'll date her......................in fact, if I had the power I'll make her my girlfriend...........................................................................so it'll be two miserable people looking and humping each other.................................will have kids............................2 girls, 2 boys .....................2 with glaucoma...................................2 with amblyopia................................and tehy'll get teased highly in school........................just like there parents before them.............................................But at least they'll be way cooler at the time..............................Yeah she is a cute girl in a very sci-fi kind of way........................I bet you she takes good care of herself...............hasn't been knocked around too much.............I say about 2 to 3 partners..............yes this is including her vibrator.........................................(LOL) So I mean if she does get asked out she probably has a confused look on her face...........................the same look she had when she saw the last Stra -Wars movie...............................So harsh So harsh.............yes.................but all in all it's still better than mine...........................................