.....................................................................................................................................distaning myself

Well today will be sad blog all over..............................................Katie left the today show it was sad............................I didn't cry but I felt myself emotioning up inside............................Yeah it was pretty bad...............but she's just going around the corner to another network.........................................so it's not that bad..................in my case I wish I had it like that but a lot more distant................................................I just don't feel comfortable anymore, where I use to call the comforts of my own home............................I feel worse when I'm there than when I'm anywhere else...................................And that's pretty bad.....................It's the people that u live with are the ones that are making me mad......................it's bad enough I get grief from others..............but I guess..............................it's all the same....................it's took the joy out of tomorrow's paycheck.................in which I was going shopping for the third time in as many paychecks.................but I don't see that now as an option............................I got a class and a teacher that repulses me.....................I got managers that I can't stand....................as well as some co-workers.............................so where does that leave me............................I thought that I could come home and be consoled and talk about my problems with anybody....................... but.................now I'm keeping all my thoughts 2 myself.....................about romantic interests and, any other problem that I'm having..................it will only make things worse....................What really gets to me is.....................why should I have to talk to and go out with somebody if I'm not physically attracted to them.........................Oh al of a sudden I'm gay becuase I won't ask Rachel out................................Ithose magic three words I'm Not attracted to HEr!!!!!!! I'm intersted in Karissa.....................................I think she's interested in me tooooooo...................If I just find that one clue that would lead to me thinking she's ready to lose the shrimp..........................which she's giving me signals that she is.........................................And I believe some of my flirtatious remarks are making her feel good.......................and so am I............................I finally got it in me..............teh mojo that wasn't there 3 to 4 years ago.......................when I was comatose at teh sight of any object of my affection.........................I really don't like rachel in that kind of way if Rachel was Karissa it would be a no brainer............................But she's not so....................................I'm not going to be forced into anything or anybody that I wanna do..................................They can say what they want.....................My standards and self-esteem is higher than that...............you just don't wanna go with anybody......................I know Rachel is a slut or a nasty girl...............she says it herself................................And why would I be intersted in that as a possible love interest.......................................So I realize now I keep everything to myself......................I'm just tired of my family.................I know that sounds so harsh.................It's like their pressuring me to I don't know fail or lose in a way...............................Mess around with Rachel get a kid and be stuck here..............................exchange my bookbag for a fucking diaper bag and a wic book..............stuck at Wal-Mart.................instead looking foward to buying nice hats on payday for $35.00 you'll be buying a bundle of diapers....................................YOU LOSE!!!! I just hope I get into CMU when I fill out my form in 2 months..........................................And hopefully the letter comes back and says congratulations you've been accepted into CMU. That would be the start of something big..........................hopefully something so big it will allow me to basically get my masters degree in education and business.................and move to a place of my destination. Yeah exchanging books for diapers isn't equilavent....................................................