2 new classes, thining about stabbing myself in the eye, lonely just like the first time.....

Today was a crazy day, after making the counselors actually earn their paycheck, I finally got the schedule I wanted, well sort of At first I enrolled into English fiction class, and then I found out that that was a bad idea, I had a feeling that was a bad idea anyway and I don't believe she wanted me in her class anyway. I got Econ back and I think it woulda been a whole lot easier than reading some booooooooooooring shit on what happen centuries ago, maybe if she gave us a cool book to read thatr actually took place in my lifetime, maybe a book on Lesbians or Mystery or Suspense. Now I'm happy and comfortable with my schedule. Next semester i'll be sure to get classes all in the morning, and all on the same day. Three days of Katie is cool. But I love that woman more & more, I think it's lust and love, she's got me hooked on her. She looks even hotter without makeup, which is crazy. Class starts in about 1 hour, I should be able to get my seat in back of the room, I had to get out of Mrs. Marsh class, my confidence couldn't take the hit. everybody already thinks I'm wierd and the lazyeye(s) just put the exclamation point, on the whole thing. It's not just 1 it's 2. Cosmetically it looks bad and it's an Emotional Rollercoaster on the way to depressville, i think this would make anybody depress, I don't know how I do it, go to class everyday and get my work done. I don't think my eye doctor did enough to help the situation, All he said was "you have amblyopia, and theirs nothing we can do about it" just like my lactoral duct, the thing when you can't produce tears, and I can't even cry, i haven't cried since forever and believe me I've had reasons to. I thought about stabbing both of my eyes, maybe then tey'll give me new ones. Nobody could understand wha I go through with this. It's a detriment to my life.

2 new classes, thining about stabbing myself in the eye, lonely just like the first time.....

Today was a crazy day, after making the counselors actually earn their paycheck, I finally got the schedule I wanted, well sort of At first I enrolled into English fiction class, and then I found out that that was a bad idea, I had a feeling that was a bad idea anyway and I don't believe she wanted me in her class anyway. I got Econ back and I think it woulda been a whole lot easier than reading some booooooooooooring shit on what happen centuries ago, maybe if she gave us a cool book to read thatr actually took place in my lifetime, maybe a book on Lesbians or Mystery or Suspense. Now I'm happy and comfortable with my schedule. Next semester i'll be sure to get classes all in the morning, and all on the same day. Three days of Katie is cool. But I love that woman more & more, I think it's lust and love, she's got me hooked on her. She looks even hotter without makeup, which is crazy. Class starts in about 1 hour, I should be able to get my seat in back of the room, I had to get out of Mrs. Marsh class, my confidence couldn't take the hit. everybody already thinks I'm wierd and the lazyeye(s) just put the exclamation point, on the whole thing. It's not just 1 it's 2. Cosmetically it looks bad and it's an Emotional Rollercoaster on the way to depressville, i think this would make anybody depress, I don't know how I do it, go to class everyday and get my work done. I don't think my eye doctor did enough to help the situation, All he said was "you have amblyopia, and theirs nothing we can do about it" just like my lactoral duct, the thing when you can't produce tears, and I can't even cry, i haven't cried since forever and believe me I've had reasons to. I thought about stabbing both of my eyes, maybe then tey'll give me new ones. Nobody could understand wha I go through with this. It's a detriment to my life.

back from 3 month hibernation and fucked up eyeballs.

Well it's been a loooooooooooooooong time since, I've wrote a post, three months to be exact, but I'm back for another go around , this time for a whole year, yep you heard it here first, I'll be here from fall tilwell next fall. Hopefuly with a new set of eyeballs, you know the ones that look at one thing directly, instewad of one looking outward and one looking straight, it use to be just my right one now it's my left one, it's uncontrolling, something has to be done. It's ruining me,
I can't make any friends, I can't look people staight into the eye, and it's just getting worse and worse, it just keeps detiorating, just like my comfidence, what's a person to do, I've read some of the stories about the problems adults we're having and they seem just as fucked up as I do. Some days I wish I had four fingers on my left or right hand, I could compensate for that, but for this I can't. Making friends is imposssible, and I'm a likable person, I want to get to know other people, but this makes it impossible. I feel I need a new opthamologists, and maybe he can direct me to vision therapy. This world is a brutal place, people judged you before they know you, same thing I do, but in a funny way nothing serious. Today was the first day of human relations class and, I weas uncomfortable from the get go. And i'm sure I made my classmates uncomfortable as well, I guarantee on Thursday, they won't be sitting there. You can't blame them they don't know, but I would be happy if anybody just came up and asked me why do I keep doing that, and glady tell them I can't help it. I'm visually Fuckin Impaired. Visually Fuckin Impaired. I still get through but it's extremely difficult. What did I do to deserve this anyway? If only I had straight eyes, it would push my confidence to further heights, I would be able to sit anywhere in the classroom and socialize with the person next to me without regretting it later. But All I could do is continue thinking about that dream. Later..................