$7.00 in my wallet, but that's not the worst of it................the virgin down for the count,,,,,,,,,,,,alone just like the first time around......

Well where do I began, every since Wednesday, I was so pump to get my check, now three days later, it's more like I wish I never even gotten paid, even though that does sound stupid, but, it's true, new hat, tat, food, booze and magazine, now I'm broke. But not as bad as my feelings...................I feel really downnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.....All week long I was so pump about getting paid, I was dancing, counting down the days, but now I feel down, depressed, and cynical......I must avoid Nicole forever...........Today I thought that it was the day, since Last Saturday was a great indication that I can actually do this, but it didn't happen................she was acting like I as a villian, just like everybody else in this world, and I just can't fathom it. i know a lot of it has to do with my vision deformity and I try to compensate for it, but I can't. and nobody has been accepted of it................so that has led me to some really uncomprominising situations...............and a bunch of lonely and frustrating days.....Some days I feel like killing myself............but that wouldn't solve anything..........But what do I do? I'm a nice guy, loyal human being, but that al just gets overshadowed by a visual discrepancy....Maybe if i read about other's people lazyeye problems, it may make me feel better......But.....................no! There not here to comfort me when it happens, which is all the time..........as we speak.....................when i wake up in the morning.............it's mainly my left eye..............thinking now that my chances with Nicole has been swept away by the janitor along with my heart..................I get so caught up in trying to find somebody, not a lot of girls, just 1, and even that seems impossible for me............... and I blame it on the two evils on each side of my nose....................What am I to do.........it's bad enough I'm socially inept........But to have it this bad wow! I'm in a lose lose lose lose situation, and theirs no getting out of it..........................Well if it is, where is it....................I just want to look like a normal human being with two straight eyes...........But this is ruining my life................It's left me sad, alone and depressed............I have an abundance of tears inside, but right now they just don't wanna come out. Yeah the 21 year old virgin, yeah go ahead and laugh, it isn't on purpose...................but there is a lot of people that our virgins out there..............I mean why is that a huge prioity anyhoo.........I'm just interested in meeting a nice girl, the sex part can wait as long as it can...................But I can't even do that right...................